Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
