It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
