I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
