Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
