shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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