Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize