I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
