PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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