If i come over, it means nothing
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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