he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize