had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
