your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
