you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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