it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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