tonight lets celebrate not being married
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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