Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
