Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
