need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
