I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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