FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
