Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
