Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
