All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
