I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
