My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
