What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
