He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
