What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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