i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize