Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
