Betty ford says i'm here all night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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