I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"it" just moved
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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