I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize