Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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