Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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