well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
