we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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