dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
