every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
