for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
