dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I did not marry a roomba.
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