i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
