Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
