I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pants are for mortals
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