i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
