Plan B is the new Plan A
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
