then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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