I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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