i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We need a shit load of segways right now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
