proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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