I got chris browned last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
