ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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