look no pants
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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