you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
