I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
