Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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