addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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