I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
