Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
