Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
