she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
