WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
