I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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