im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
