You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
