well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
