I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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