Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
