bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i out mim tonsoeep
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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