her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
