It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If its not for food we ain't going out.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
