im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
