I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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