She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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