it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
