my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
