wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
