i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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