Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
