bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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