Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
