Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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