i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
