I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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