someone threw a dead crab at me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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