i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
