THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
